Love and Trust – It’s within?
She stood elegantly, silently, holding the space for the audience to take it in. It was deafeningly quiet. It would be so easy to keep talking, to fill the space and void with more noise or yet another explanation. But she waited. Patiently. For whilst the urge and words sat right on the tip of her tongue. She knew. She just knew this space was needed. For everyone to process what had been said and understand it.
So often, we want to fill the space in meetings, when speaking to a group, even one to one with more noise and explanation. It can be an unconscious thing even. Because we’re constantly finding ways to prove, explain and justify our point or the piece of information we’re explaining or the new idea we’re putting on the table.
Too often, we overdo it.
Or we doubt it.
The doubt and fear creep in and overrides our trust of self. That deep instinct.
Not only is this common when it comes to meetings, presentations or speeches, it’s the same when writing, blogging and often in general communication.
We feel the need to ask “Does this make sense?” “Got it?”, “Are we clear?” rather than allowing the process, the filtration of information to land, resonate or then be questioned by the other person.
Or it’s the double check in a different way. “Is this right? Is this what you mean?” or sometimes, people need to liken it to something else in order to make sense of it in their way. “Oh you mean it’s like…..?”
Love, trust and holding space go hand in hand.
Without the love and trust, we cannot hold the space and without that space and be allowing it, we’ll never learn to build our muscle around trust. That trust of self and of other human beings.
Trust doesn’t develop within a human being overnight, there are certain benchmarks we need in order to trust a fellow human being and likewise ourselves.
How would you know you were more trusting of yourself and of others?
How exactly would you know?
Is it something that you’d have as a result, something you’d have done or simply how you were being?
Have you been burnt along the way, so you’ve stopped trusting?
Here are a few ways to help turn up the love and trust to feel it within:
- Chant Mantras
Yes seriously. These particular ones, modelled from successful leaders around the world, have helped me enormously throughout my professional, business and personal journey. - I’ve got this.
- I’m possible.
- No Failure only Feedback
- The Meaning of Communication is the response I get
Chant them for a long as it takes until they become second nature.
- Reconnect with that internal gut instinct
Perhaps you stopped listening to it and trusting it a while back. Is it time to retune into it again? What would it sound like? Or feel like? How would you know it was on again? What actions would you be taking, if you could hear it loud and clear, or see it and feel it?
It’s time to tune into that sound again and really listen to it.
You’ll know when you have it, as a feeling, it’s a sense of certainty that no matter what. I will not go up in flames. I’ve got this?
- Practice means Progress
You may need to keep practicing and working at it. Old habits die hard if you’re used to always second-guessing yourself, or talking over others in meetings, or not talking at all, or double checking in with others whilst you’re working on a task or project, then start doing the opposite to what you’re used to.
So whether you’re talking to your team presenting to potential customers, handling a difficult situation, how will you know you’ve got this?
What will you be hearing, seeing, feeling and sensing that is different to how it’s been in the past?
For some of my clients, these are the tell-tale signs the talk about when recognising their trust is within:
- My voice is deeper, not higher and squeakier
- My words are slower and articulate rather than rushed or stuttering
- I feel elegant and poised, even whilst seated
- I know the answers to the questions are there and I can find them when I need them
- I’m comfortable saying, I don’t know the answer to that, let me get back to you
- Curiosity is my friend when dealing with the difficult conversations
- I know everyone is doing their best with what they have, if we need to re-teach strategies and behaviours we must discuss it
- There is no perfect only progress to be made on a daily basis
- I am ok to hold the space for as long as needed
- I no longer need those second opinions
Trust you will find these useful and put them into practice when you’re next in a moment and need a helping hand.
